The Analysis of a 20k Beer Fest; Observations of a Freshman

I.                    Leaving your door open will not guarantee friendships among floor mates. Social mingling is expected.

II.                  Do laundry during the week. Otherwise, laundry done during the weekend will end up in a pile on the laundry room floor and you will be stuck with nowhere to put your clean, wet clothes while waiting for a dryer to open up. It’s vicious.

III.                Do not party with siblings. Otherwise, parents will end up hearing the results of your drunken rampages.

IV.                Cellular phones will not survive the impact of the concrete dorm room wall when manually launched in a projectile motion.

V.                  Change bed sheets every two weeks. Otherwise, the dorm room will have a distinct and displeasing aroma.

VI.                Romanticizing with floor mates will only cause awkward situations for both parties.

VII.              Being a freshman does not give women the right to be slutty.

VIII.            The saying “I was drunk” is not an excuse for misbehavior.

IX.                When partying, remember that you still have to live and learn with these people for four years. Not everyone will be as drunk as you are, so not everyone will forget what you said. Words are deadly daggers.

X.                  Being a loner is frowned upon.

XI.                Procrastination is the name of the game.

XII.              Preparation for disturbing sights in the bathroom is recommended. “Upper deckers” are not uncommon.